For my evaluation this year, I was asked to perform a self evaluation, a reflection of the lessons learned from the last year. Sometimes I think that an exercise such as this would have been easier if I had kept a journal or had been more open and honest on my work blog. With that in mind, I am posting it for what it is.... maybe by writing down my lessons, I won't forget them, or perhaps they may be of some use to others.
Lessons Learned at APU during 2004/2005
I think most of the lessons that I have learned in the last year have had to do with things that were necessary to learn about myself. It is apparent that this better understanding of the way in which I am motivated, the times in which I am successful and those which I am not, is necessary in order to be effective in my unique position at APU.
Since moving into the position of IT Architect, I have had periods of focus toward the goals of establishing a basis for understanding the effectiveness of my department in terms of the parts that make it up. Other times, I have allowed myself to be pulled in various directions, short term needs, projects, and the occasional crisis by which my former technical experience have been seen as valuable. When floating among the abstract, that is architecture, I noticed a sense of gratification when being pulled into these teams and projects. I felt that I could add value, provide some leadership at times, but mostly get along side people and assist.
I realized that I hadn’t yet been able to turn my general position into something that offers this same usefulness. I honestly felt, that in between projects and tasks, I hadn’t really been delivering any tangible benefit to my department. I am not satisfied being an isolated researcher, nor am I designed for it. I thrive on interaction, on collaboration… sometimes not even yet forming an opinion until I have intensely debated a topic with some amazing minds. At times, I would be hard-pressed to pursue these relationships informally.
I believe that the changes in the last year have allowed me to increase my effectiveness toward these ends. It is absolutely critical that there is interest in the areas of focus for me, in order to be effective. Or, that I am interested in the right things that actually matter to the business. Though some may approach it thusly, I cannot generate interest out of thin air. As a “manager” of ideas, more than persons, I must pursue relationships by which I can hash out these ideas in teams. Until others too are part of the discovery, then no matter how much I love passionately sharing my thoughts, they will either not be understood or be inappropriately disconnected from what matters. I think for the first time in a while, I have been encouraged to see that the seemingly intangible things I had been doing, do indeed have value. I have been encouraged by my supervisors, by co-workers, and customers. I work with some amazing people, and it is my investment in them, my learning from them, that is both rewarding and enables me to be more effective at my job.
I had been become a bit isolated, and was not pushed out into the open. Opportunities which challenge me in a way that inspires me to grow, were not apparent. On the flip side, I think some of the things that I have been pursuing we were not ready for. With the creation of new teams by which we can receive the input necessary to jointly build bridges toward the future, I realized that some of the efforts from the past had been working… that the slow sowing over the years had produced a harvest. I can only thank God that our faith in Him is rewarded with the reflection that His plan for us was good all along. That His wisdom guided those who lead me to the things in which cause me to grow the most, and the opportunity to bring Him glory, which is the only thing that matters in life.
I think this ability to do stuff that matters, is not, in the end, by any effort of our own. It is also something unique to those who are in Christ. We serve the King, for it is only the eternal work that has significance, and yet by His grand design, His Spirit turns even the labor of our hands into something of meaning. Moses discovered this and shared it in Psalm 90:
“Let the favor of the Lord our God be upon us; And confirm for us the work of our hands; Yes, confirm the work of our hands.” -- Psalm 90:17 (NASB)
Imagine the fruitless feeling of leading the Israelites through the wilderness for 40 years, and never yourself actually achieving entrance into the promise land. And yet, as a man who walked with God, he knew from whom the value of his labor would come.
